Just now I found out that my stand in person for visiting dad while I take a week off, will not likely be able in doing so and I am feeling stressed and it seems to have pushed my emotions over the edge. Dad has been calling me 3-6 times a day this last week saying he needs to discuss things, when in fact he has nothing to say when I get there to sit with him, but I think he just needs to have someone there or maybe see me, esp. since his brother and friend visitors are away for the winter. His memory is getting worse by the week, it’s shocking and hard to see. Today sitting there one on one, I had to carry the conversation and try to get him to stay on track, he’s fading out more and more now, mid conversation I’ll realize that he isn’t totally clear that I’m his daughter, but just someone close he can count on :’(

This is so hard, being the only one. Most days I seem to cope with it well. Tonight I am not.

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