double sided feelings

For the second day in a row, my father has not called me, I feel almost confused by this change. I’m finding the peace I needed for so long, but have mixed feelings about it because it simply reflects the decline in his condition. I witnessed him not being able to make a simple phone call last week, he got frustrated enough that he pulled the phone apart and unplugged it in his confusion. I can only begin to imagine what is going through his mind, if he is somewhat aware, as I’m struggling to adjust myself. So far I’ve been dealing with sadness over this new development, which comes another level of acceptance of what is, and what is to come… I can only hope that this brings a bit of peace in his busy and confused mind as well. I really do.

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