Tag: alzheimers

Steps to Probate

It’s been nearly 4 months since my father’s death, and I’m in the midst of preparing to probate my father’s will. It’s been a stressful or worrisome process thus far, as the circumstances surrounding my father’s situation is unique to say the least. Even the lawyer stated this each time we’ve talked. I’m very glad to have found a lawyer that I feel trust and connected to, I think this is very important. So below is an account of what’s new as of today.


Update and new thing learned: The Will Act is changing on April 1st of this year. The biggest change affects the beneficiaries under a will. Currently marriages supersede a will. Since father married after the last will was made, the marriage date dictates the spouse to be the main beneficiary, voiding the will, and my executrix standing, as he wanted. After April 1st, a marriage no longer supersede a will, and the will stands. Those of you marrying this year, post April 1st, may want to look further into it, particularly if you have a will and want to include your spouse.


So after all the stress, the change in the Will Act won’t affect my father’s estate and the legal case after all. I still have a fight on my hands, but it’s looking more positive now, as I can sort of prove that it was not a true marriage of love, but rather of convenience, since they were apart for more than one year, before he had to move into a care home, thus illustrating that they weren’t being kept apart without choice.

Now the task on hand is to fight PG&T and the bank on how they could close down a joint account I held with my father, without notifying and stating the legal ramification of that. That was my father’s last try to make sure I would be the executor. Turns out the PG&T thinks it’s weird that banks do this, and that it’s wrong, but they do nothing to change it on both sides… service breakdown!

There needs to be better support for families or loved ones that need to lean on the PG&T services, while under extreme duress especially, on protecting the client and their family assets. ‪#‎BIBO‬

If any of you are going through needing or wanting to take care of an elderly parent and getting things organized as best can be. Feel free to mssg me. I’m happy to give some tips on what I was never told and have had to figure out and cope with on the go. Things I wish I had been told prior to my dad’s passing… Living wills, PG&T vs. Private Commitee, care advocacy for dementia/alzheimers parent, etc…

Back from hiatus…

I’ve been on hiatus for a while. I found that I needed to take a break and thus withdrew for a while… dad seemed to have settled into the new care facility well and for the first time in the last couple of years, I felt less guilt in wanting to step away from it. It’s more to do with his physical health degenerating now, which I’ve found in some ways harder to process and deal with.

With dad having issues associated with congestive heart failure, it has been a bit easier for the nursing staff to understand and empathize with his difficulties in feeling well, and thus having great mood swings. His heart is getting weaker bit by bit… Hands and feet get colder often, he struggles with anything more than a short stroll, water retention is an issue for extremities as well. Due to these, he is weaker overall and less stable, and often has him just wanting to sit on the ground as his strength gives out…

Its been a week since Dad was put into a wheelchair for most parts of a day. No more phone calls to report an ‘unwitnessed fall’.

It feels odd, at times I feel a slight guilt, though I know it was the necessary step to take. Its not easy having the reaponsibility to sign away a parent’s right to be, the seemingly one last bit of their freedom. But he is safe and my moments of worries for his well being have been drastically reduced. It was upto 3-4 times a week. Never knowing when it would be the call that he’s hurt himself badly from a fall.

Thank you allowing me to share with you. It’s always cathartic for me to write here, once I can reach into my writing frame of mind… it’s an ebb and flow sort of thing. For those of you that follow along because you have chosen to take on the challenge of being there physically and mentally for your loved one, I hope all has been well, and that you are getting the support you need in this journey. Kai xo

The heart aches…

After many months, on and off, if not over a year in length, the challenge to get my dad’s medical conditions addressed has finally found some results. The recent tests has my father diagnosed with Congestive heart failure. Its a relief to know what he has been suffering with, and that he will be taken better care of and more appropriately. On the flip side I’m saddened by the outlook, another wave of grief has hit. It’s a bitter sweet discovery.

A two-man room

A two man room. Luckily my dad’s roommate doesn’t care to hang out in the room, where as my dad likes his privite time. #win-win #Alzheimers

many questions

I’m being asked many questions. So glad I could be here for the rare glimpse of clarity, to have the rare conversation with dad. Dementia and Alzheimer’s gave us a little break today. at New Vista Care Home

at the piano

He managed to hum along to Do-Re-Mi with me today. A good day.